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¢ÜStand By Your Man¢Ü

¾Æ¾Æ¾Æ~¾Æ¾Æ¾Æ¾Æ~
(ŸÀÜÀÌ ³»´Â ¼Ò¸®)

 

The power structure has been too long
a white middle-aged male,
middle-class power structure.

There are now large numbers of women
who want to change their lot of life,

and who are looking for concrete ways
in which to do it.

By the spring of nineteen-seventy-three,
the women's liberation movement
was in full force.

Across America, a revolution was in
progress, shedding old stereotypes...

Building new roles.

It was a time of raised-consciousness
and high expectations...

A fight for equality and freedom.

Women everywhere were facing
difficult and complex choices.

Plain toast or cinnamon-raisin?

Take my mother for example.

- Cinnamon-raisin.
- Um-hummm...

Here we are.

- Thanks.
- Thanks.

She was a woman of her time.
A woman of accomplishments.

- Mom, we got anymore juice?
- Oh, of course, honey.

There ya go.

And don't eat too fast.

A woman who was appreciated.

- Good eggs, Norma.
- Mmmm, Good eggs, Mom.

Good eggs.

Nobody makes eggs like your mother.

Uh-uh.

- Any more coffee?
- Oh, sure, honey.

Yep, you might say in everything she did,
Mom commanded our utmost respect.

Oh, let me help you with that, Norma.

And whether it was pouring our coffee,
buttering our toast, or simply washing our socks...

We Arnold men supported her,
encouraged her...

Right up until that day, when...

I've decided to get a job.

 

A job, Norma?

 

I think it's time.

 

It is?

 

Course the way we saw it,
Mom already had a job.

Not that any of us was
crass enough to say it.

You already have a job.
Taking care of us!

Shut up, butthead.

Well, I know. But there's not...too much
to take care of around here anymore.

Karen's gone, you guys are
at the office all day...

And Kevin's practically in college.

Besides, now that I have my degree,
I just thought...maybe I should do
something more...fulfilling.

- Oh....
- Oh...

It was hard to imagine
anything more fulfilling...

Than taking care of us.

Well...if you really feel that way...

maybe I could find something for ya down at the factory one or two days a week.

Which sounded reasonable enough.

Well, actually, Jack, I was thinking of
something a little more...fulltime.

 

Like what, Mom?

I don't know yet.

Just...something that I could
really...sink my teeth into.

 

Um, trust me, Norma.

Working's a lot different
than going to college.

A job's a lot of...
aggravation and hard work.

- Uh-hmmm.
- Absolutely.

I know that, Jack. But I've decided
...to get a job.

 

To which - given the options -
there was really only one response.

On the other hand, maybe
I can put in a call to Stan Woods.
I hear he's expanding.

Thank you, Jack. I appreciate that.

Hmmm.

 

Five-forty verbal and five-eighty math.
Read it and weep.

And speaking of numbers...

- Oh, they came?
- Yeah!

The SAT scores. For six weeks...

We had been waiting for the two numbers
which would determine
the next four years of our lives.

Didn't you check your mailbox?

No.

I did.

Yeah, what did you get?

Seven-thirty.

Verbal or math?

 

Combined.

Yeah, well, I wouldn't worry about it.
You can always come work for me.

Yeah, very funny.

It was social Darwinism
at its cruelest.

So, you get yours?

 

I don't think it's such a good idea
to talk about them like this.
They're kind of private.

Oh. Well...

Sure - I understand.

"I don't want to talk about it".

It was practically code...

For Ed's Junior College and
Autobody Repair.

I mean, besides, it is no big deal.

I mean, after all,
they're only numbers, right?

Sure, easy for you to say -
you haven't got yours yet.

So what?

When they come, they come.

After all, I wasn't worried.

Look at these scores!
I'm gonna kill myself!

 

Not much anyway.

 

Hope and despair...in modern literature.

I mean..."worried? - not me!"

 

Just...slightly...

Curious.

Heck - if they came, they came.
And if they didn't...

They did!

 

Oh please, oh please,
oh please, oh please...

It was a private matter.

 

Very private.

 

As I stepped into that closet,
I kept telling myself it meant nothing.
Absolutely nothing at all.

Nothing but a few lousy numbers
in a crummy envelope.

 

Ya-hoooo!!!

 

I can't get over it. Six-fifty.
And what was it? A five-eighty?

It was a night filled with
eggrolls and triumph.

Well, actually it was a five-ninety.

But, ya know, it's no big deal.
It's just numbers.
It's a...twelve-forty combined.

I'm proud of you, son.

Yeah, who would have thought
our little butthead would turn out
to be an egghead?

Thanks.

I think.

But the truth was...

I had earned
the respect of the Arnold men.

I think it's wonderful, honey!

And the woman who loved them.

And your check, sir.

I'll, uh, take that.

Just send it right over here.

Norma, what are you doing?

Paying the check.

I have a little good news of my own.
I got a job today.

 

A job?

What kinda job?

I didn't know you talked with Stan.

Well, actually I didn't.
I just answered an ad in the paper
for a job at Micro-Electronics.

Needless to say,
this was wonderful news.

Never heard of 'em.

Well, it's a new business, Jack -
"computer software".

I met with the two partners. They're in
their twenties - barely Karen's age.

And they hired me on the spot.

Well, that's great, Mom.
I'm really proud of you.

Thanks.

And I was. Kinda.

I mean, give credit
where credit was due.

 

After all, intelligence, talent
and brilliance just seemed to
run in our family.

 

Hey, Kevin!

Not that I was gonna brag
about it or anything.

Twelve-forty.

Already? I thought it was
just eleven-thirty.

No, I didn't mean that.

What did you mean?

 

Nothing.

O-kay...

Well, since she asked...

 

Just, uh...my...SAT scores.

You mean you got them?

Six-fifty verbal, five-ninety math.

Kevin, that's terrific!

Well, you know, they're just numbers.
Six-fifty...five-ninety...

They're wonderful.

They're OK.

Well, I'm really proud of you, Kevin.

Thanks.

And why not?
After all, she was my girl.

And I knew she understood that
in some small way, my achievements
were her achievements.

Here we are, Miss Cooper. Yale...

Princeton...

And Harvard.

I'll have to look for Dartmouth.

OK.

 

What are those?

Just some...college catalogues.

Funny. I never realized Ed's Junior
College had made it into the Ivy League.

Winnie?

What exactly did you get on your SAT's?

I don't really want to talk about it.

Winnie, come on.

I mean you obviously did pretty well...
so why don't you just tell me?

 

Seven-twenty-five verbal...
seven-fifty-seven math.

 

Seven-twenty-five verbal...
seven-fifty-seven math.

 

Somehow I skipped "That's wonderful"...

And "I'm so proud of you",
and cut right to the bottom line.

That's a fourteen-eighty-one.

Well, it's just a number...

Besides...it is a fourteen-eighty-two.

I don't believe it.

Well, aren't you happy for me?

Are you kidding?

OK, maybe that was dumb.

But it didn't take a genius to figure out
that instead of standing by her man...

 

See you in class.

My innocent unassuming sweetheart...

My cute, adoring,
supportive girlfriend...

Had left me in the dust.

And the technology these people
work with is absolutely fascinating.

Did I tell you that we're
introducing a whole new product line?

It wasn't long before my mother
began basking in the excitement...

Of her new-found career.

And guess what?

I discovered today that I can amortize
the cost of development over
our entire fiscal year.

And as she shared
the joys of her new challenge,
we reacted like men everywhere.

That way,
we'll be able to expand our base...

We began to feel...shortchanged.

That's great - now what are
the chances that we get some -

Bread?

Bread...

There you are.

Of course, we're still trying to keep
the prices down - but, over all...

And the more we began to feel shortchanged,
the more we became...suspicious!

- So, where the heck is the -
- Anyone need butter?

Butter?

Did I tell you I'm working
with Pat Banks on this?
She's the vice-president.

Can you imagine that?

- Here are the beans.
- Beans!

- And the -Potatoes
- Potatoes.

Let's see. Um...guess we're all set!

But no matter how Mom tried to ply us
with butter and beans...

We weren't fooled.

Not us.

Wait a minute!

Look!

I got a hole...in my sock!

Yep - no question about it.

The place was going to pot.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

And speaking of going to pot...

Are you just not in the mood?

 

Of course I'm in the mood.
I'm always...in the mood.

I'm just not a piece of meat,
that's all!

What are you talking about?

Nothing!

There was no way that I was giving her
the satisfaction of telling her.

 

You're upset about my SAT scores,
aren't you?

 

What?

Don't be ridiculous!

- I don't know why you should be.
- Yeah, well, I'm not.

I mean, how long have I known you?

Almost all my life.

Right.

 

And in all that time...

You never felt like telling me
you were smart?

Good thing this wasn't bothering me.

Kevin, you knew I was smart!

In the fourth grade I knew
that you were good at math, OK?

I didn't know that you were
some kind of...Einstein or someone.

I mean, gosh,
you think you know someone.

And then - bam, you find out
they're hiding things from you.

I didn't hide anything.

Oh?

How come you didn't tell me
about your test scores?

I don't know! I just...I just thought
that...it might hurt your ego.

 

Ego? Hah!

That just goes to show how much you know

I don't even have an ego! Hah-hah!

Kevin, you're acting
so stupid about this!

Now see, if I had an ego, a remark like
that might have really, really, hurt.

Huh. So now I'm stupid.

I didn't say you are stupid.
I said you're acting stupid!

Oh, but I guess
if I were as smart as you...

I'd know exactly
what you're talking about, right?

All in all...

You could say that I was
handling this rather maturely.

I have an idea.

Let's go home.

Hmmph.

I couldn't have put it better myself.

 

Meanwhile, back at the castle.

Dad?

Hi.

What are you doing on the couch?

You tell me. Women! Phhh- .

Yeah, tell me about it.

 

Know what I mean?

Yeah.

Women.

 

Yeah.

Phhh...

 

It was one of the most in-depth
conversations on the subject to date.

Sweety?

 

Your socks.

 

Good night!

 

It's your wife!
She's wrecking the town looking for ya!

 

No!

Nancy, no!

Phhhh...

 

Still, by the next morning,

I was feeling pretty shabby
about the way I'd acted.

Hey!

I realized it was time to accept
these in-roads being made by women.

It was time to accept
the realities of the 20th century.

 

It was time to act
like a liberated man.

 

Winnie?

 

Oh, hi.

And crawl like a dog.

Hi. Listen, I feel really bad about
what happened last night.

Me, too.

And, uh, well -
I thought we can go out tonight.

So that I can kinda make it up to you.

OK. Sure!

That sounds good.

Great!

I mean, no sense letting
a few numbers come between us.

Winnie!

Oh, hi, Mr. Glavin!

Congratulations on those SAT's.
Uh, the whole faculty's talking.

Thanks.

You know, there's a world of opportunity
for a bright young lady like you.

Yeah, I'm really excited.

I bet you are.

Uh, you will keep me posted, won't you?

I will.

Uh...hi, Mr. Glavin.

Hey!

How's it going, Kelly?

 

Kelly?

It was a girl's name.

So where to?

 

What?

Where do you want to go tonight?

 

How about, uh...

And that's when I heard it.

A far-off call.

A primordial cry...

It echoed across
the savannahs of ancient Kenya.

It thundered in the drums
of ancestral tribes...

And it said to me...

 

Take the broad bowling!

 

This was the ticket - bowling.
It was almost inspired.

Isn't this great?

Yeah, I guess!

Heh-heh. More than inspired.
It was genius. The bowling alley -
the last bastion of maledom.

An island of stability
in a changing world.

It was about manly things, like
unmuffled clamor, and uncurbed fashion.

It was about sweat, and muscle,
and grunting and belching.

A place that drew real men...like flies.

 

Dad!

Hey...

What are you doin; here?

I don't know,
I...just felt like bowling.

Hmmm. It seemed Dad must have heard
that same primordial scream.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Arnold!

Hi! Well, what a surprise!

So, you two wanna join us?

Sure!

Why not?

What could be better?

A night at the lanes. Guys doing guy-things.

Winnie, I love your outfit!

Thanks! Oh,
I really like your hair like that.

Chicks talking chick-things.

Just the way
the big guy upstairs intended it.

I heard about your SAT scores -
I am really proud of you!

Wait a minute!

Thanks! Oh, and I heard about your job.

- That sounds wonderful!
- Are we gonna bowl, or what?

Yeah, let's get started.
Norma? You go first.

OK.

After all, there was no sense
wasting time on idle chit-chat.

There was a game to be played here.

 

Come on, Mrs. Arnold!
Knock'em all down.

I'm not really very good at this.

That's OK...!

 

Yeah, it was perfect.

 

Until...

Something happened.

Mom's ball began what was to become
the longest single trek
in the history of bowling.

Its momentum was relentless.

Its progress inexorable.

There was an inevitability
to the fate of that roll...

That carried a message
that resounded across the country.

 

Yes! Ahhahaahah! I don't believe it!

Good shot - you got 'em all down.

I got a strike, Jack!
Did you see that?!

And something cracked.

What the hell. Let's make it the men...
versus the women.

And the devil take the hindmost.

- Great idea!
- Yeah...

 

Yeah!

The next hour saw one of
the greater bowling displays of that,
or any other, season.

Not by the Arnold women...

By the Arnold men!

 

Yes!

We had it all, Dad and I.

And we weren't afraid to use it.

 

For the next thirty frames,
we took off the gloves.

Yeah!

We showed no mercy. We slaughtered 'em.

 

Yeah!

 

Yeah!

 

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

And when it was over...

I think they were impressed.

 

I know we were.

 

Sorry, we beat you so bad.

It's OK. I had a really nice time.

That night, driving home,
things seemed...right again.

 

I mean, you couldn't help but win.

You're just so...

Good!

 

See, it's all a matter of form.

You wanna put your whole body
into the ball...

and let the momentum do the work -
then release.

That's wonderful, honey.

I guess the natural order
had been restored.

So, we could afford to be magnanimous.

By the way...congratulations
on your SAT scores.

 

Thanks.

 

I mean, no sense being pigheaded.

The way I saw it - the world was
big enough for all of us.

And besides, so what if women could
influence government,

take over big business,
alter domestic policy,

dominate education,
make the world a better place.

In one important respect,
we still had a lot to teach them.

Yes!

Yep, when it came to being jerks,
they still had a lot to learn.

¢ÜStand By Your Man¢Ü

Uh-uh uh-uh uhhhhhhhh!
(Sound of a Tarzan scream)